Weighing my options...

So, part 3 of OTZMA has officially begun.  Tomorrow I am starting my internship at the Jewish Agency.  I am pretty nervous but also pretty excited.  Looking back I can’t believe all that has happened these past 8 months.  I think back to the girl who came on this trip 8 months ago and I know she is not the same girl that is sitting here writing this right now.  A perfect example: The old me was upset about not having a TV in our room (although I was excited about being somewhere new so upset isn’t really the right word… but I was worried about it a little.)  the new me started cheering today because we have big cups in our apartment.  I am just so excited that I don’t have to use a little tiny cup and can drink a normal amount of liquid like everyone else in the world.  Ah, the little things in life!

I have put up with situations here that I don’t think I could have handled before.  It was hard handling them now but I did.  Every time I have started to establish some kind of routine and some kind of normalcy, everything changes.  Chaos is the new norm and I kind of like it. 

I moved into my apartment in Jerusalem today.  I am living with Lauren Z, Tracy, Jen and Becca B in a 5 bedroom apartment in Kfar Studentim at Hebrew University.  I can’t help but wonder if this will be where I end up going to school.  I am hopeful for many things over the next few weeks.  I have aliyah weighing pretty heavily on my mind.  I love it here and would really like to give living in Israel a chance.  I know it will not be without challenges, but I can’t escape the feeling that my future is here.  The big question about Aliyah is when I will be able to do it.  I am supposed to attend Towson University in Maryland this coming fall.  I need to be able to finish school and finally get my undergraduate degree… but I am hoping that it is possible to do that here. 

I really have 2 choices here in Israel to finish school and they could not be more different. 

Option #1:

School: Hebrew University

Location: Jerusalem, Mount Scopas (which is technically in East Jerusalem!)

Language of Instruction: HEBREW

Option #2:

School: IDC Herziliya

Location:  Herziliya – Right next to Tel-Aviv

Language of Instrustion: English


The advantages of finishing school here are great but it will be a whole hell of a lot easier if I just go home and finish.  At home, it is just one year.  However, its getting settled in a new community again or living with my parents and going to school with people who are 5 or so years younger than me.  If I attend school here, not only will I be setting myself up for a better situation in the future if I want to work here, I will be with people my age and will have time to live in an atmosphere conducive to meeting people, thus making my aliyah easier.

I know what I want to do... but there is so much that scares me about it.  Living so far from my family has been a real challenge.  There are times that I want nothing more than to see my parents faces or my brother, or my best friends.  And there is no better medicine in the world than my best friend and her children (now 3 of them!!!).  I had always planned on having a close relationship with them.  I imagine that I view them kind of like most people view their neices and nephews and I would do anything for my friend and her family.  After all, they are a part of my family.  The relationship that I build with her children will be different if I chose to live here than if I chose to live there.  I know she and I will remain strong because we have proven time and time again we can do it... but there is only so much comfort that being on skype or on the phone can bring as compared to being face to face on her porch drinking a glass of wine.

All of this is stuff that scares me and makes me think.  But it still doesn't stop this growing feeling and this growing need to give life here a shot.

I don't know where life will take me... but I know that I can't live my life being scared and I have to remind myself that nothing is permanent.  If I give it a shot and it doesn't work, I can always go home. I have learned a very important lesson that I think will help a lot...  No mistake is too big to overcome and even if it doesn't work and I go home with my tail between my legs, my family and friends will still be there for me, no matter what.